I feel like I’ve ruined my life, idk why but I’m just so self destructive every time ik what the right thing to do or say is I do the worst for no reason then convince myself it was the right thing to do.

My sister had a mental breakdown over the pressure I’ve been putting my family through but idk if I’m salvageable.

I’ve fail out of high school, have no job, to money or people that would hire me, no irl friends and yet I keep falling further and further. I’ve slowly been destroying everything over that past years and now that I have nothing it seems like I’m destroying my family.

I don’t want to do this obviously but idk what the first step would be, ik I have a lot of trauma but that’s not an excuse anymore.

I’ve been sexually abused my whole childhood, have had abusive partners, drug addiction runs in my family tree same with mental problems and yet I still have no drive to become better. I feel horrible for not being as strong as everyone else is with their problems.

I want to go to a mental hospital but me and my mom have a lot of concerns:

Are they safe

How much do they usually cost

I’m 17 so would I go to an adult or teen facility

What are phone privileges usually based on ( Ik it depends on the facility but is there usually universal rules that are set? It’s the only way I can contact my friend )

What’s the day in the life like?

Can they help me get into a new school