Heya guys, I'm in a bit of a pickle and I could just do with some general crowdsourced information from people that have also been around the system a fair bit.

The Problem: I have incredible levels of stress that don't respond to the sorts of things it should respond to. I've had more CBT than any human should lol and none of it makes one bit of difference in my situation. If I get stuck in one of these 'stress spirals', I get physical health condition complications (I have a lung issue and it gets super bad during these times), which has sometimes put me in hospital because it gets that bad. People are often quick to say "you can't see a mental health problem" but actually with me you can, and I get really really sick from it sometimes.

I have ADHD and since being on the meds for that things are quite a bit better, but I still have these really overwhelming stress situations. I was on the 5 year waitlist for an ASD assessment (I thought that maybe they were meltdowns) but the NHS punted me off that because I didn't score high enough on the test that asks you about trains :P

I've tried going private for my therapy once I tried everything I could with NHS ones, but I often end up in conflicts with therapists (be they NHS or not) and the relationships end up going wrong quite quickly, plus private is expensive AF.
I'm often accused of "not doing the work" or similar things (when I am), and despite the fact I literally don't have it (I have checked, double checked, been assessed and I genuinely don't have it), the word "Borderline" gets thrown at me a lot anyway. I have strong opinions and 'Black and White thinking' apparently, but I'm not actually Borderline. I used to be abused and so these days I stick up for myself, and people take my self-advocacy as being more evidence of "Borderline" traits vs me just not letting people walk all over me anymore.

I communicate my issues and flaws clearly so that people are aware of everything they need to know (to avoid harm honestly), but people (NHS etc) will often accuse me of lying, downplay my problems or 'accidentally' trigger me even though I told them point-blank what my triggers are and how to avoid them.

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I don't respond to SSRI's at all, and I've been on a bunch of 1st and 2nd line options as well as antipsychotics and things like Pregabalin. The only medication I have ever found to work on my periods of intense stress are Benzodiazepines, which present many obvious issues e.g. addiction, vast amounts of stigma from prescribers and doctors, pill shaming from my local crisis team etc.

I've been taking Promethazine as an alternative to Diazepam or similar but while it can help for a while to manage my 'blips' just fine, it can't even begin to help me when I really need it the most. My mental health has been really bad due to a series of traumatic events that happened recently (they always come in 3's, right? meh), and since then I've basically lost my ability to tolerate pretty much anything anymore.

I am getting to the point where I'm worried if yet another Dr treats me like a junkie, or downplays my problems, or tells me to do CBT use local services (I have genuinely used all of them and I'm not joking about that - all of them), then I'm going to start "being a danger to myself or others" - mainly others. I've got no patience left, I'm done. I've done everything everyone told me to, gone through endless rounds of bullshit, waited months and months (totalling to years) for things that I can't seem to use to help me, and I am still back where I was. If it was just my brain being bad I'd probably just ride it out, but it makes me physically ill too and I hate how the hospital treat me when I go in with my breathing problems - it's Covid Hazmat Suit time, every time, and I'm going in too regularly which is bad for me and for everyone else tbh.

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Tomorrow I am seeing my Dr after the whole 'danger to others' bit of my "I have no patience left" vibe finally kicked off. They said they'd ring me for an urgent appointment and didn't, so I marched up to the surgery and banged on their window shouting like a lunatic, and when I finally spoke to the urgent care Dr it was the one who had sent me home the other day telling me I was wasting his time, so I lost it completely at him and he didn't know what to do, so he made a face to face appointment with my primary Dr.

Every time I go to see people they always go "we know there are no services here, we know the waitlists are years and years long, what do you expect / want us to do? There's no magic wand I can use to fix you" amongst other shitty things, and I never know how to answer because I feel like I've done everything. I engage with the charities, I do the group therapy things even though I hate it, I've gone private, I've had so much CBT it hurts, I ring crisis lines instead of bothering them with my issues etc
I want to say "I'd like people to give me Diazepam at a good strength for when I can't cope" as that's the only thing I know of so far that works (other than Promethazine for general purpose stuff, even if making me tired is a crap solution really), but they'll never go for that and it's probably not healthy anyway.

What can I even ask for at this point? What can possibly help this level of treatment resistant < whatever this stress thing is >. I'd go to a psychiatrist but that's a year waitlist too lol and I'm going to A&E too often, right now.

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So yes, please give me your advice. I'll read up on everything and everything anyone mentions as something to investigate and discuss them in detail with my Dr, but I'm out of ideas at this point as to what I can even suggest.

Thank you for reading, I hope you are well.