That paired with my crippling anxiety and ocd (also my meds don't help me with ocd... Apparently it's supposed to because it lowers anxiety but my ocd causes my anxiety, rather than being a biproduct of it) is just so fun...

Idk. I just... I wish I didn't have to deal with this. The only person right now keeping me "sane" (and probably alive) is my girlfriend and some of my friends. I just wish it would all end... Not me (again I have a girlfriend and some friends I will stick it out for regardless of pain), but just... this, if that makes sense. Like if I can shut off my brain except for the parts that my girlfriend and friends like, I would. Even if that harms my physical health, the only people who would make me care about that are my girlfriend ajd my friends because for my own self, I don't care for my physical health at all.

I don't consider myself codependent. I don't depend on many people usually to make me happy. But I do know that my girlfriend and friends are why I'm still... alive.

Idk. I guess I'm looking for help but Idk at this point.