So a few years ago someome told me that it doesn't get better. Sobrang dinamdam ko yun. I was still having my cocktail of pills for my depression (later on, bipolar disorder). I was suicidal. I was an alcoholic, too! I usually black out and ended up in traumatizing situations. At one point, I think patay na ko kung walang kind stranger na nagbook sakin ng ride.

I moved back to my family home after living independently for years. I think may issue din noon sa bahay so I opted to live somewhere else and of course, mas malapit din where I used to work. Bumawi ako sa kanila. Mala-OFW ako noon kasi parang once in a blue moon lang ako umuwi. Dinadalaw ako ng mom ko minsan sa work pero sobrang wala kong time na maibigay. Sobrang busy ako sa work. Minsan naluluha na sya pag nakikita ako.

I've had regretful sexual encounters, too. I was too vulnerable that time. Ginagawa ko sya for the wrong reasons or minsan wala naman talagang reason at all.

Anyway, I started healing with the help of my therapist. I cut contact with toxic people (this is the most difficult part). Since wala na masyadong people sa life ko, I practiced being comfy in solitude. I revisited old hobbies, gaming, parang rediscovery ng self. Eventually, I reconnected with old friends which I ignored for years. I am now able to maintain a healthy relationship with my GF of 4 yrs. I bond more with my family. I eat healthier, exercise from time to time. I quit stressful jobs and just settled for the ones that value my well-being. Of course, I set my boundaries din. Con, I think hindi na ako as ambitious like my old self but I now live a peaceful life. I can manage without my meds na (except for my gastritis, haha).

It's been years of better living and I'm happy.

I think this is just an appreciation post for myself but you're welcome to read din.