Hindi ko alam if dahil to sa dysthymia ko, tbh I can no longer tell the difference.

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I lost my 3 yr old dog last Jan 2020, and it was the most devastating event in my life. Hindi ako handa sa mga nangyari nung panahon na iyon. All I knew at that moment was that hindi ko alam paano magsursurvive without my dog kasi siya ung reason hindi ako nagtuloy sa plans ko to take my own life. But here I am, still breathing. I should be grateful for being alive, but I hate it. I find catharsis too overrated.

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Two weeks ago, I lost my dad naman to covid/leukemia. The grief is not as painful compared to before, pero nakakabalisa pa rin. Hindi ko exactly na naiintidihan ano na nararamdaman ko. Mas naiintindihan ko naman na ngayon ano ung coping mechanisms ko in dealing with grief this time, pero dahil parang twice the charm kaya para akong feeling ewan na naman sakin lahat. Nagmomove on ako pero parang walang sense. Parang ang repetitive masaktan. Parang ennui.

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Ikaw, how do/did you deal with grief? Share me your story so that I can gain perspective from others.