So I've never had a job before and I graduated from college last year of October 2020. I honestly want to earn money, and I keep reminding myself to go look for a job, even if it's home-based but it dawned on me that I've been putting it off. I've set goals for myself this year, in case I need an extra push or motivation but nothing seems to be working. The thought of working makes me sick to my stomach, typing this post alone is making me feel ill. I've been wallowing in regret and alcohol while binging shows and anime for the past few months now and I can't help but feel utterly useless. I turn 24 this year and next year I'll be in my mid-20s, while being stuck in a rut for ages and constantly experiencing existential crises.

I'm just really tired. I want to achieve things. I have big dreams and goals in life, but I'm helpless. And the saddest part is, no one seems to understand how I feel.

EDIT: As for my experiences with internships, they were extremely horrible. I suffered from really bad anxiety attacks on two of my internships. My supervisor from my first OJT suggested that I seek professional help after she asked me about my experiences with the company. For my 2nd OJT, the department I was an intern for became extremely concerned and alarmed when went through an anxiety attack.