As a kid my parents have always wondered why I was so forgetful, "parang ka nang lolo, sobra makalimutin mo", they would always tell me. Forgetfulness is an enduring quality of mine, it has defined me. My friends have the same sentiment about me.

My family generally disregarded the symptoms. I thought maybe I just lacked discipline or I was just naturally irresponsible, careless. That I would grow out of it.

Hyperfocus is something I always experience, and it leaves me mentally exhausted after. Watching TV, playing games, studying, cleaning dishes, when I hyperfocus I tune everyone out. You could call my name and I wouldn't hear you. As an adult, this has caused me problems, especially with my relationships. My ex partners would take it negatively if I forget to respond to them because I've hyperfocused on a task I'm doing.

I also experience an opposite of hyperfocus where I am unable to hold a thought or keep my attention on something even if I try really hard. It feels like trying hold water with your hands, no matter how you hard you try the water always flows out.

These symptoms persist into my adult life and I've learned to adjust to some of these shortcomings. One example is I never go out without a backpack where I keep everything I need. Everything needs be inside the bag where I can forget about it. Anything I carry by hand, I tend to leave somewhere the moment something distracts me.

Another example would be setting up persistent reminders, smartphone assistants have helped a lot with this. I simply invoke my google assistant and ask her to remind me of whatever I need to do in the near future.

Hyperfocus (and its opposite) is one thing I have not been able to properly manage until now. On moments when I can't hold a thought, I've tried modafinil, but it just puts me in hyperfocus for a short time and i end up mentally exhausted after.

Is anyone there living with these symptoms? How do u deal with it? I'm thinking of seeking professional help now that I have an idea of what is happening to me.