I'm haunted by my past mistakes and bad decisions and indecisiveness. Granted, I just gulped down a Dunkin' Donut coffee haha. That probably didn't help, did it? Anyway.

I coasted through life. I've lived a privileged life, surrounded by supportive people since I was born. Both my given and chosen families are loving and caring - they're good people.

That's why I always wonder why I'm such a fuck-up. A part of me denies the fact that I have mental struggles. Because why should I? I've never really faced much adversity - certainly not like the ones our fellow Filipinos experience daily.

I feel like it's all self-inflicted to create my //own// adversity. These self-made obstacles would certainly polish me into a diamond, right? Or am I just seeking attention. Isn't it only human to crave sympathy from others? Perhaps I'm making it all up as an excuse to stay stagnant. Maybe I'm just lazy and entitled.

I don't know. Maybe all of the above? Maybe partly. Maybe it's just depression.

I just know that I want to sleep permanently.