Hallo, currently relapsing since medyo may free time tayo kasi ive gotten the hang of work, haha. Hindi na need ibaon ang sarili sa work kasi okay-ish na. And ayan, dami ko na naman time magnilay. Gotten myself addicted to a new game, benn constantly working out and eating right pero am still needing extra assistance.

Went off meds last year and mukhang i need to keep on taking my meds uli as per my new therapist. I haven’t had the chance to reconnect with my previous psychiatrist since she went MIA sa NowServing, and thankfully I have access to a psychologist. Since they are two types of experts, she has provided additional insight kung ano ang mga rootcause ng issues ko. Unlike with meds na I nilagay ko lang sa backburner issues ko, napinpoint ko nang maayos this time un mga kailangan ko iaddress since may in depth conversation talaga. Although may gist naman from my several sessions with my psychiatrist, medo ibang atake din talaga. She didn’t invalidate yun previous na findings and recommendations for me and she ADDED more insight pa nga which I found very helpful. She also encouraged me to see my psychiatrist uli and update my meds. Nakakatuwa lang hindi lang one way ‘yun atake niya.

I guess need ko tanggapin na I will be taking meds on and off again. Ang hirap pa rin tanggapin na my brain is not normal and will constantly need the use of medication just to make myself feel normal. And as per my therapist, I need to stop using the gym as a distraction. Will the extra blood flow provide solution to my problems? Pero it is what it is. The meds arent cheap pero nafeel ko naman this was the best use of money in the recent years. No amount of travelling can make me feel good like un meds. Hopefully it gets more accessible for everyone kasi sobrang laking tulong din talaga.

Nakkapagod na maging sad tbh, pero the ppl pleaser in me can’t bear the thought of my loved ones thinking the did something wrong eh ako baman talaga ang problem. If we cant live for ourselves, better find something else to live for.