I had depression last 2021-2022 until it leads to clinical diagnosis of Bipolar 2 to 1. I thought I am doing okay already since there comes to a point where I feel something changes in me and I am back to my old self. Going on for 9 months, I am not taking any medicine anymore nor seeing my Psychologist & Psychiatrist. Until recently, I went on a failed date with someone and it spirals me down and had relapses. I know it’s going bad when it’s going on for 3 weeks of either sleeping too much and unmotivated, or having racing and messy thoughts. I am scared of going to that dark place again without my control. I’ve been trying hard to push myself and be better. Talking positively to myself, and looking forward to good things but most of the times Im just tired and unmotivated. Every time I try to smile, I know and I can see through pictures that my eyes are dead and looks sad. Watching Bojack Horseman became my comfort and I just feel bad I have no life inside of me again.