I dont really know what flair to put bc this post is rlly just venting but also putting a trigger warning because I rlly wanna end my life, but at the same time I want to get all the support I can rlly just to prevent myself from being down so much

Day 4 technically (Week 2) of her being officially gone from my life, we ran a good two and a half years. She met someone new, we were LDR so it kinda hurt even more.

I don't know what to do now, The only closest friend I have is gone, and my safest place now no longer available. I wanted to cry, but I just couldn't let the tears flow out of my eyes even if I wanted to. I wanna kill myself, but I promised my other friend that I only will once he finally got to be with his crush (I'm even thinking of not killing myself till I see them married.) but I know I don't have the will power to kill myself. but I don't really know anymore I don't see a future with just myself in it. I'm in a college course I hate and was forced into and now the love of my life I just let afloat away. I finally asked for a breakup and she agreed, I knew I made a mistake. I should have been more honest because I know she can't read minds. I wanted to cry the past week pero I rlly just cant seem to ayaw bumuhos nung luha!!!

idk posting this seems rlly irrational just rlly want someone to vent to so here i went.

Adding this up pero I've been diagnosed with depression before, and I'm rlly scared of relapsing, and It feels so petty naman na parang heartbreak lang gusto ko na magpakamatay? well yeah, I never really thought of a good future with just myself in it, it was always the both of us kc i rlly though aabot kami hanggang dulo.