Is it really hard to runaway from all the traumas you experienced in life? I’m M (32) and I feel like everything I do, I feel like all my traumas are just behind me waiting for a perfect moment to eat me alive.

As early as 5 years old, I’ve experienced physical abuse from my father (thank goodness he’s no longer part of our lives). From being punched in the face and stomach to being tied up to the ceiling by a rope. He left us for another woman when I was 13. My mom had another lover in 2004 who did not physically abuse me but emotionally, he did. He would tell me nasty things and make me feel that I’m stupid all the time. And good thing they’re no longer together too.

Years have passed and I got into a few relationships. And I always find myself being stuck with someone who’s abusive (physically and mentally). Somehow, I find it interesting because it’s familiar.

Now, I’m kind of dating a guy and he seems so nice and kind. But I keep on trying to find something bad about him. Or somehow overthink that he’s doing something bad. I’m not used to this kind of treatment.