EDIT 1: Will message everyone who dmed and commented later. I have to prioritize enlisting my subjects for now. Thank you!

EDIT 2: Dmed everyone na. Note lang tho kasi ayun, marami ring factors why he and I clicked. Siguro I like his style and compatible siguro kami that's why. Since marami na rin akong natry na doctors since 2018 and a lot of people would line up for those doctors before. But may time na once ko lang mineet yung Isang doctor then I searched for someone else. I worked with someone for 3 months and then I stopped kasi di talaga gumagana. Then ayun, yung pinakamatagal was almost 2 years nga. Tumagal kasi I was doing a lot of work on my own while working with him. Tas I had a great support system (despite being flawed most times) including my guidance counselor who helped me the most and helped me shift the way I saw things.

But I really hope na if you guys push through with my doctor, magclick rin kayo. If not, please don't be discouraged kasi hit or miss most of the time yung finding the right psychiatrist and even psychotherapist. Good luck everyone and sana, we will be at a place where we won't have to take medicines na and/or have to go to therapy monthly. I hope na someday it will be a want more than a need na. Good night.

I don't know if it is possible na fate could be used in this context but I will. Kasi last December 22, I met my new doctor kasi nga my old doctor was not in the clinic na where I met him (Teleconsultation). I worked with my old doctor for 2 years and somehow, even though he was nice and cared about me too, I did not feel that he really helped me that much. He did but imagine, you paid for a 30 minute consultation only to wait for 40 minutes or so minsan, tas the consultation would last for 10 minutes max. I think I was only paying for the prescription. I know he was tired with his work tho since very draining ng jobs nila as psychiatrists but ayun.

Then I booked sa isang app recommended sa subreddit. Sa isang doctor sana but she declined kasi wala siyang available slot that day e I badly needed a medicine na. Then I booked a consultation with my now doctor. And thankfully, I feel cared for, na he understands me, and that he really wants to make things better. I know na it is their job but despite the fact na late na, he did not show any sign na he wants our session to finish na, more of a me thing kasi I am still struggling with the fact that a doctor is willing to make the session last longer.

He did not scold me rin for not booking earlier e I would have to suffer the side effects ulit kasi nga I had 4 days or so na not taking my meds. He just gently explained, ganun.

He doesn't mind din na if I need something to be explained later on kasi we will start mood journalling, na I will message him via the app. A lot of doctors are like that naman but this is the first time for me.

I said good bye to my doctor like a kid. My inner child felt reassured and cared for, by someone who feels like an older brother.

I am so excited to work on myself even more kasi he seems so proud din to see na I was not as down na in comparison to how I was when we first met. Yes, not where we want me to be yet, but he said na I am a lot of steps closer to being so much better.

Ang cool din kasi I've been doing the mood journalling lately tas di ako aware na yun pala tawag. Cool!

Anyway, ayun, I just want to share these kasi almost 3 years ago, I was in a very dark place. I still have those moments, and at times, I get so scared kasi I might get pulled back in. But momentary feelings lang pala yun, yung pakiramdam na andun ka ulit and I just have to let those thoughts and feelings pass by.

I am so lucky to have a family (immediate and extended, kakaiyak kasi even tho nahihiya ako na my Uncles and Titas, and even some cousins, know na I am struggling with it, they just showed me compassion and care, they spoiled me so much din nung umuwi sila for vacation), pets, and friends who are very supportive and accommodating. Now, dumagdag si Doc. And I am really proud of myself kasi sometimes, I feel like it is wrong to be flawed, to make mistakes, and to be honest with how much pain others caused me. But despite that, I am always learning na I am not perfect but I am so much better. That it is right to communicate how you feel, and that keeping things to yourself is something I have learned as a coping mechanism to keep conflicts at bay, and to be "at peace" always.

We are always ever growing, ever learning, ever changing. And I am so proud of all of us for doing everything we can to survive, to live, and to love living everyday again.

Sana, kung nasa madilim ka na lugar ngayon, may mga taong magbigay sayo ng lakas at liwanag, di bilang tanging rason para gustuhin mong mabuhay, ngunit para magsilbing kaagapay at kasama para maramdamang kakayanin mo to dahil kasama mo sila.