I don’t know where it all went wrong… or how I was ever supposed to be okay. For as long as I remember I lived under constant fear. Lived in a stated of chaos that became my norm. So much so that I would cry when ever things would be calm because I would finally hear my own thoughts racing; boredom… Because of this fear I never got to be anything more than a suicidal, anxious wreck. I can’t even concentrate long enough to read a fucking self help book… or watch anything meaningful. I need constant distractions to get through any given day… I’m falling apart in ways I’ve never experienced…. I want some semblance of normalcy. 29 years old and no education past high school, no job or career opportunities. No “motivation” what’s so ever. Im on disability because of my anxiety. I only know anxiety constantly shaking constantly choking constantly fighting back tears. How does it get better? How do I wake up without dreaming of my own death? How?