If someone might wonder why I posted it here, it's because it's about double standards and double standards does have to do with rights. Written or not.

I need your feedback for an issue. If even here people will tell me I am completely wrong and a hater, it means I am and I don’t realize.

I’ve posted something on other forum and I was practically lynched, then my post deleted.

My post started from the following (fictional) story (most people assumed it was mine even if it stated with « let’s suppose... »). The story :

A woman says she’ll cut her hair short. The husband says she doesn’t like short hair. The woman says she doesn’t care of what he thinks. She comes home later with her hair cut short. She gets pissed off that the man doesn’t compliment her and says it loud.

THIS was my story. My questions were : Does a man has the right to talk about his preferences in a partner’s body aspect ? Does he have the right to keep silent if he doesn’t like changes in a the partner’s aspect ? Does he have the right, if asked about these changes, to say he doesn’t like if the doesn’t like ?

And then I was flooded by a ton of heinous comments, who, to sum up, stated that: a man shouldn’t EVER say his preferences in a partner, it’s offending because this might be judgemental in regards to what the woman wants for herself (and it's somehow like FETISHIZING...). That if a woman does something to change her look who cost her time and/or money, the man SHOULD be appreciative and say how much he loves it (because to a woman IT IS IMPORTANT TO BE VALIDATED). And that if, besides, he is asked, he should find a way not to hurt the woman’s feelings and say he likes even if he doesn’t like.

I a word, a man shouldn’t say what he likes but whatever the woman does he must rush and says he likes it, way to validate her.

That if you marry a woman it’s for her soul and personality, not her her aspect and whatever she decides to do to her aspect, your feelings should remain intact.

Soo – WAIT – we are not talking about a woman getting old or having changes in her body after pregnancy. We are not talking about illness or accidents. Because, I agree, a man who leaves his wife because she is older or has stretchmarks or had a mastectomy etc is not a person – it’s a piece of crap . We are talking about a man who married a woman who is soft, long haired, plump, soft spoken and feminine. And overnight, she decides to cut hair, to become anorexic (it’s an example) to tattoo everywhere and to pierce her tongue and her labia. Because so she wants. And what is the man expected to do ? To say nothing and to love her as much as before, plus to compliment her for her new look because she invested herself so much into it.

And here come the double standards.

My whole life, I have received almost no compliment (as most men). But when I had made questionable choices about my look (unconventional hair or clothes) there had always been women in my family or acquaintances to tell me I look like a piece of crap or even warning me « change me that shirt, it makes you gay, if we are seen together downtown, I don’t know you ».

So if I understand well I have to bend to the tastes of women around me, to say whatever they do is awesome AND SAY IT to VALIDATE THEM, but in exchange I should accept they never validate me and criticize me for my choices.

I NEVER give a negative opinion unsolicited. I NEVER ask for validation unsolicited. But don’t ask me to lie and tell you you look gorgeous if I don’t think so! Just don’t ask. And I won’t tell you. If I find you look great, I'll tell you. If I don't tell you, believe what you want.

What do you think ?

PS – I have even had a heated discussion about me telling my daughter who did a piercing to her nose that I didn’t like it. We laughed, she shrugged and it ended there. My daughter is an independent woman who is not at all deranged mentally (as other online haters) and took it with a grain of salt so five minutes later we were eating a kebab and laughing. Besides, when she thinks my haircut is shit, she says «dad, your haircut is shit » and we laugh both and I tell her « I hate you » and she damn knows I love her. There were « deconstructionists » who came to insult me and tell that what I did to my daughter was unforgivable, that now she will live with « your hateful remarks in her chair » for the rest of her life and I’m a monster. But grow up, people.