Casting call: Final girl wanted.

This bloodcurdling B movie splatter fest aka my life, Is in search of a brand new scream queen. As luck would have it, I thought I had found my cinematic love interest and offered her a longterm contract and a starring role. She only signed on for a cameo appearance and now that footage rests on the cutting room floor. The show must go on, as they say, so it's time to recast and reboot the old love life. Lets see if you're right for the part!

About me:

I'm Josh and In case you couldn't already tell, I like movies. I like 'em a lot. In particular, horror movies. Whether it's a creature feature, a slasher film, grimy grindhouse exploitation cinema of the 70s, cheesy sci fi space adventures involving monsters of preposterous proportions, an unnecessary sequel, a terrible remake, a shark somewhere where a shark shouldn't actually be, like a cornfield or up in the sky or even a legitimate Hollywood production that has been marketed as a "thriller" to appeal to larger audiences, I'm In. I'll pop some popcorn, put on the 3D glasses, suspend my disbelief and take life as it comes, 90 minutes at a time. I'm especially fond of holiday centered ones. You know, ones where some guy dresses up like Santa Claus and doesn't care what you want  for Christmas.  You're getting  the axe.

I am the result of a childhood spent scouring the horror section at the video store.  Horror movies have always played a pivotal role in my life and it would be nice to find someone who shares my passion for them. I miss having someone to talk to about them and nerd out with. I make some of the most obscure references and bonus points to you if you get them. Be warned: I have a dark sense of humor. I'm definitely not for the masses or the faint of heart. I can and I will go there and I go there frequently. I am comfortable in my own skin, which is fortunate considering I lack Buffalo Bill's skin-suit making expertise. He knew his way around a sewing machine. I can barely thread a needle. Also, not the kinda thing I wanna google, so, sighs, my own skin it is.

I am packed full of personality but am limited to one so it would be nice to find someone with more than zero but less than two in that department. Sorry I made you math but at this point in my life I just need a little consistency. I don't ask much but I'd like to talk to the same person two days in a row.

I tend to season my sentences with a hearty amount of double entendres and expletives. I'm dropping F-bombs coming and going. No, I'm not a sailor, I just curse like one. It's an easy mistake.

Did I mention I'm a delicious piece of man candy?

More than likely the lass I'm looking for is alone in her room, petting a cat of some sort. Might she also have a seeing impairment? If history is any indicator she most certainly will. Here's hoping she finds those glasses long enough to read this post. I have no preference when it comes to appearance though. Bespectacled or not, I'm attracted to personalities and believe everything should start with a solid foundation of friendship and getting to know each other. I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to stuff like that. I'm not looking to be anybody's second or third sidepiece. If I'm not the main course, don't put me on the plate. I deserve to be enjoyed as the delicious top prime cut of meat I am and not just moved around from time to time like some boring old Lima bean. I'm tired of being forked with. My god, that was terrible. I don't know where these dad jokes are coming from. I have no children.

I'm pretty chill and easy going. I'm usually up for anything. I'm adventurous and always willing to try something new. I also appreciate the comfort of just taking it easy and going with what works. Sometimes just paying bills is adventure enough. I'm looking for someone who wants to eventually talk on the phone and video chat but hey, let's just start with texting first.

I'm working a lot these days but have most of my nights free. Like anyone else, I'll make time to talk to someone special. I plan to keep posting this from time to time until I find someone special. So if you see this, chances are I'm still looking. You know how it is. Sometimes people message but the chemistry just isn't there and after a few messages you just stop talking to each other. Like a tweaker with a beaker, I'm all about that chemistry. Gotta have it. Now, I have just referenced crystal meth but I swear I've never used it.

Last time I posted I was messaged by people from all over the world. I was flattered so many people from so many places took the time to write to me but I must reiterate I'm looking for someone in the continental united states. That's where I am and it just seems more likely to work out if you're here too.

So if I've captured your attention and you think you might just be willing to stand shoulder to shoulder with me against a ravenous army of the undead and will subtlety tell me when my shoes are untied or my fly is down, send me a message.

Lights, camera, action!