I rarely call off work. But on the rare occasion I do, it feels amazing. I don't regret calling off and I love basically doing nothing and relaxing at home.

I often wonder if I'd feel like that being dead. Like all the mental pain went away and I'd only feel relief. My guardian angel made me promise that I wouldn't off my self and that's the only thing that keeps me here I think.

But I don't have the same love for work or love for life that many people do. I'm extremely miserable and lonely and I don't know how to change it. This feels like a hell realm to me sometimes.

I feel like I am stuck here just dealing with it trying to make it better. But how long will that take if it's even possible? I need some real relief and I don't know how to find it...