I truly love what I do. I wake up every morning so happy I get to help people have more fulfilling lives by giving them the gift of relaxation and releasing tension, either physically, emotionally, or both. I get to listen to relaxing music all day, make my own hours, and be my own boss. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy it. Words cannot begin to express how amazing it makes ME feel to give someone as much pleasure and calm as I can with my voice, skills, hands, and body.

It literally has nothing to do with my ability to give a fantastic massage, but I think it helps that I'm OK-looking. People tell me l'm so pretty, though I don't see what they see, I guess . But l digress.

I pretty do pretty much the exact same thing with all my clients.( I’m OCD like that ha! ) Occasionally I’ll customize but usually I do not.

I don't know what other therapists do, but I start with the shoulders and neck, slowly rubbing the top of their shoulders in circular motions. ( I actually do most everything slooow) I use my whole hand, wrist, forearm, and elbow to try to get deep into their muscles, helping them relax and unwind. The shoulders hold so much tension, so I spend about 10 minutes there. Then I love using my forearm and elbow to relax the arms and hands-another 10 minutes. For the back, l use both hands, my palms, and my knuckles to release stress and tension. If a client has a knot, I slowly release it with medium pressure, or deep pressure, ONLY if I ask and they approve it.

Throughout the massage, I check in briefly, asking, "How's that pressure?" or "Are you doing okay?" Sometimes I'll say, "How are you feeling?" or "How does that feel?" I'm terrified of hurting someone the way l've been hurt, so l ask questions before, during, and after sessions. Typically, 9 times out of 10, my clients respond with, "Yep, good," "Great," "Fine," or "Yeah," but occasionally they'll say, "Too much” or “less pressure “ & always, always thank them for their honesty. I am so passionate about what I do. I believe massage has the ability to heal, but it also comes with the potential to hurt-physically and emotionally. I take that aspect extremely seriously. In the middle of the massage, I work on the glutes for about 10 minutes, followed by the hamstrings (5-10 minutes), thighs, calves, and feet (another 10 minutes). Again, I use my palms, wrists, forearms, elbows, knuckles, and occasionally my fingertips if the client requests a softer touch. That's my 50-minute session. I give them options throughout. Honestly, some people really just want to chat with me and get some human touch. —they aren't even there to get "beat up," per se. Don't get me wrong, I can give you pain if you want it! Lol i had one client tell me “ f*** That hurts so much- I love it keep going! * I said “ glad you are feeling good Sir” 😜

But honestly, most people I work with just want someone nice to vent to, pay attention to them, and help them relax. Like the title says, though, l am a human conundrum. I rub lotion and oil on between 4 and 8 men and women's naked bodies all day. I'm pretty much booked solid every day, typically working 7 days a week. But I truly cannot stand being touched the way I give massages. So strange, right? I am so weird! It kills me. I have to laugh, though-it's the only way I can get through it. I do not take life very seriously 🤪I think a big reason I can not stand being touched is that l've been badly abused by multiple ex partners both physically and emotionally. I have quite a few physical scars from that time in my life, and probably permanent emotional damage… both my scars and emotional damage l'll probably have for the rest of my life. I know that I will never be the same as I was before I was emotionally and physically abused and raped. But I am healing. I became a therapist because I wanted to help people through massage... it's just not my cup of tea to receive it myself. To each their own, I always say. A LOT of people in the world love massages, and ALOT of people love the way I give a massage…. The money speaks for itself since I usually make $300-400 a day! Not every day, but I have a few clients who regularly tip me $100 on top of the $150 fee I charge for "studio and admin fees." Money really is just one type of energy..

I believe it’s just another form of energy, like air, water or solar energy on this planet , but that's a discussion for another day.

If you've gotten this far, congratulations! you are officially in the “You could Potentially l blackmail me club” but please don’t blackmail me 🫣 ha! Jk

But —all jokes aside— thanks for reading my rambling brambles and babbles! Haha.

Let me know your massage stories— I'd love to hear about your experience as a client or massage therapist in the comments.

Also, l'm curious to know: Am I SO unique, or are there other people like me, survivors of abusive sexual encounters who are massage therapists and love it but also do NOT want anyone touching their own body a full time massage therapists do all day… I'm so curious.