CW: Sexual Assault

On Mobile

Hello, I have been an MT for little kver a year now and it has had quite its highs and lows. First I want to make it clear I do genuinely enjoy my job and helping people, I never not feel fulfilled when a client tells me that my work has helped them relieve their pain or helped them feel relaxed. But as I'm sure many of you are aware that there will always be clients who have ill intentions and such, and unfortunately for me Ever since I was in school for this and doing clinic hours, I have been molested by clients on 5 seperate occasions, twice in school and 3 times after being licensed. To be honest I haven't been in a good headspace since I started this path and I think its starting to take a toll on me. And today I had a client who looked like my grandma's ex-husband who had drugged and raped me as a child, needless to say I started having a panic attack and I didn't know what to do. After I did my consoltation whike trying to keep my composure I left the client in the room to get ready while I went to the bathroom and started crying and trying to make myself look presentable I guess. I kinda shut down from there and everything is really foggy but I made it through the massage. I'm just getting home and after explaining what happened to my gf she asked me if I really wanna continue working in this field if this stuff keep happening and I don't have an answer for her. Please any advice would be appreciated, Normally I would ask my teacher (she is a saint and was the reason I was able to make it through school) but my old phone broke and I lost her number.