Before continuing your read, I am a size 18 (so not some itty bitty person), I am NOT looking for e-banging or hookups, I know those are deal breakers for plenty of you. I know, crazy right? a very unhappily married woman seeking more than just dick. Unheard of. (also, give dick please, and I don’t mean a tiny thumb that couldn’t rearrange my insides properly)

The package: bookish sad girl, elder emo (with currently black hair cut into a pixie/faux hawk), mom (1 child), animal lover (2 cats, 2 dogs), collector of sappy memes & things to cuddle, a whiskey girl with no time to indulge in it, loses her juul at least 3 times a day (ope, it's in my pocket), a great hype woman with equally amazing friends (stick around, you'll meet the chaos crew), certified nerd who dresses up for renaissance faire each year for her birthday (come frolic with me next august), will probably crochet you your own cuddly soft Deadpool or penis or voodoo doll, loves love & romantic shit, will bite you if she likes you & will blow up your phone cause she misses you.

What you should bring to the table: ATTRACTIVE, Naturally dominant (this doesn't mean cocky or arrogant, and should translate both in & out of the bedroom. daddy/caregiver types, primal hunters, pleasure doms, & soft doms to the front of the line), understands that a man walks on the sidewalk closest to the road beside his woman, opens doors, buys flowers & sprays your cologne on stuffed animals before gifting them (chivalry shouldn't be dead), a sense of humor, the golden retriever type with scary dog privilege when called for lo, does things for people out of genuine kindness without expecting a direct return, someone who is conversational & replies with enough haste for me to believe l'm not boring you to an early grave.

I don’t have a specific age range, but generally 21-45. if you’re outside of that but feel you could be a fit based on what i’m expecting, send a chat request.

Happy to send pics right away so we can get the “you’re not my type” thing out of the way.