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I had an amazing post outlined in my head this weekend. It was absolutely irresistible - beautifully prosaic, insightfully witty, and the slightest bit scandalous. Just the kind of thing to elevate an average 38yo married father of one to âhooooo yeah, gimme some of that.â
Iâm telling you, it was perfect. Youâd laugh, youâd cry - you might even show your husband. Heâd understand. Weâre talking pure magic - thrilling verbs, meaningful prepositions, adjectives so juicy youâd need a towel, and nouns for days.
It was so good, David Fincher wanted to turn it into a tv show, but we couldnât reconcile certain creative disputes. He thinks itâs ânot possible to get 1990âs-era Brad Pitt without the baggageâ to play the role of me. He wouldnât even try to invent a telomeric de-aging machine to use on the small bundle of hair and skin cells Iâve collected. James Cameron would have. I shouldâve signed on with him instead. Oh well, live and learn.
Unfortunately, as with so many other projects, my post has been lost to history. So I give up. If youâre a woman between the ages of 18 and 150, letâs chat. Bonus points if you like men whoâve occasionally been described as âfunny,â âhandsome,â or âIâm pretty sure heâs eating a slice of pizza he dropped on the floor.â
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