Trigger Warning: I’m Married

I hope that made you laugh. I love to kick things off with a genuine chuckle! Thank you for stopping by to read my wishful diatribe, buckle in - It’s gonna get fuckin weird.

UP FRONT.

Politics - I don’t believe in tricking people, so I want to be up front since ideological alignment is so trendy these days.

Fiscally Conservative, Socially moderate.

I’d describe myself as more Libertarian than anything.

And the unambiguous translation of this is that I treat everyone with respect without consideration of any external factors, I believe in limited government (Which means if the government doesn’t have the right to control your access to guns you don’t get to control a woman’s access to healthcare.)

Marry who you want.

I don’t care about your skin color or your creed, if you need a glass of water I’ve got one for you.

Be who you are.

Women should have the right to choose.

Men should have easier access to mental health resources.

Easy right?

Moving on!

About me:

I’m very much in love with my wife, she is my literal best friend. I am consumed with guilt as I type this, but the reality is I must accept my own selfishness and say outloud that our roommate/ dead bedroom situation leaves me wanting. I feel invalid as a man, I have nowhere to express my carnal affections or most vivid emotions. I feel loved but I don’t feel desired. I’m a tall, handsome, successful, physically strong and dominant man - yet I don’t feel powerful at all.

Where am I to put all this affection? Where am I to store this curiosity? All this filthy perversion and ambition, stirring inside me - a relentless and unceasing companion.

I’m a dishonest husband, but a decent man. I won’t lie to you, I’ll give you more affection than you can handle, and since I’m so profoundly broken I’ll even share feelings with you sometimes. The inverse of that broken coin is a sweet, affectionate, jovial, and loving man. I have so much to give, I just need somebody special to give it to. And I won’t be all stoicism and flirting, I’m fun too! I tell lots of lame jokes and corny puns, you’ll hate me so much, it’s gonna be great.

But im more than just the strong silent type, I’m more than just a pair of shoulders for you to rest your head and ankles on. I’m also a petty/nosy fucker too, tell me all the tea! Let’s have a virtual date night with wine & bourbon and you can tell me about that bitch at work you hate. I bet her name is Susan…or Eye roll Miriam…I bet she’s just the worst I fucking hate her already!

Physically:

Tall (Hella)

Bearded (It’s glorious)

White (Boring, I know)

Genetically Male (Hey boy, what that PP do??)

Hands, legs, arms, & stuff

A butt

Eyes (Emeralds)

Chunky but Funky (Think “Andre The Giant” without the leotard)

Knee caps (So you know I’m a grown up)

Emotionally:

Available

Searching for LTR

Wants to find one full-time partner

About You:

Biologically female

Married Engaged/LTR Doesn’t Count towards M.A.D.

Wants a boyfriend

Can hold a conversation

Attracted to men

24-55 (I don’t think I’d have much in common outside that age range)

Doesn’t mind I’m not a dad

Enjoy pet names

Let’s find that cliche Hallmark Movie spark together. Let’s talk about our day, our families, our dreams, desires, insecurities, fantasies, how handsome Ryan Reynolds is, etc.

If you’ve made it this far - Good Girl

Thank you for taking the time, if you think you’d like to waste some time with a guy like me, send me a CHAT and include your favorite Green Day song. If you don’t like Green Day, just send me your favorite song and why it’s your favorite song.

“As time ticks by/Still I Try/No rest for Crosstops in my mind”