I realize how incredibly hypocritical this is, being that we are all here under a dishonest pretence. But I'm asking anyhow. Is there an actual man out here, who will do anything close to what he says he will?

I've been here a while, had some fantastic connections with what seems to be real men ready to be with a grown woman who knows exactly what she wants, but when push comes to shove, they do not have the literal balls to deliver the goods. Is this all just a fucking fantasy to you? Is that all you have the stomach for?

I'm not looking to get divorced for you, sorry. I'm sure you really are that great and I may even fall for you (if you can actually handle a woman's feelings without running scared), but I promise I will not blow up my husband' and kids life for you or ANYONE else.

Baby, I know what I'm looking for, do you? Fun, excitement, anticipation, joy, pleasure some break from the monotony of this grind we find ourselves in day to day. To feel fucking ALIVE again. And yes, sex. Incredible mind-blowing gutteral raw sex, eventually, and preferably in person. This is the part when we separate the boys from the men.

Can you handle a grown woman who is ready to give her entire self to you sexually? Who is not afraid of what she "looks like" in any specific position? Who isn't scared to get loud, dirty, and collapse in a heaving pile with you after? I'm talking real life here, not text on a fucking screen.

But before we even get there, can you deliver yourself? The real you? Can you make me fall for who YOU are? We women know we can get laid anytime we really want, you know that right? I'm not here looking for a hard dick for a one night thing. I can grab that down at the gas station if I only wanted to get laid. I want more.

I want the butterflies, the excitement from receiving your thoughtful and considerate compliments, the messages of how I'm consuming your mind, how you cant wait to see me. The anticipation of plans to chat, talk on the phone, video calls and yes, to meet. To actually meet, have an amazing time and retire somewhere private for a night to make lifetime memories.

I have had an affair before, this is not my first rodeo. I am careful and discreet. I'd prefer it not be yours either. I want a real life partner in this. I'm on telegram and want you to be also.

I'm intelligent, very funny and sarcastic with a dark sense of humor (it's honestly rare when I find someone to keep up, gauntlet thrown), white collar & career driven (WFH, lots of daytime availability), travel for work occasionally (would consider using this as a cover to meet you). I'm in a dead bedroom, roommate situation that I'm not looking to disrupt. I have so much more to give to the right man, if he is ready for me.

ME: I'm blonde, blue eyes, all my teeth, been told I have a beautiful smile, 5'9", curvy (borderline plus) proportionate and active with walking, gym, yoga and anything in the water. I rarely have gotten anything but positive responses when it comes to picture swap. I love laughing, making others laugh, GOOD comedy (TV and stand up), road trips, exploring, good food, camping, outdoorsy adventures, beach days, amusement parks, just really having a good fucking time. And I swear, a fucking lot. Not sorry about it.

YOU: Must be able to hold your own in a conversation, keep this shit rolling with me. Good banter, intelligent, quick wit. If you get me laughing I'm already interested. Physical attraction is required, you need to be at least 5'11, prefer hair but ok with a shaved head, all your teeth and yes the dentist knows who you are. I'm a sucker for a bigger physique, dad bods or extra pounds are alright as long as you are active and can keep up. Bonus points for big arms, strong chests, big hands and a deep voice. Beards are ok but honestly not into the Rip Van Winkle look. Yes I want you to be married and kids is better for relatability purposes. Extra bonus points if you are in the vicinity of Nor CA or can travel here semi regularly for business and pleasure.

If you actually read this far, color me impressed. Message me with the best compliment you received from a woman.

Sorry guys, minimal effort responses, horrible spelling or descriptions of your penis (or god forbid a picture) messages will not get a response.

I really, really hope you are out there. I'm waiting to hear from you. 💋