Sorry for the depressing title, I'm just going through a particularly difficult time at the moment. We've been married for 20 years. I love my wife and she is a great person. We function as a good partnership and support each other. The sexual aspect of our relationship however, has never been what I need. I learned pretty quickly when we were dating that she didn't give blowjobs or handjobs. Everything else was so great back then that I decided I could be okay with that. Now, 20 years later and we haven't had sex in 3 years. All together, we may have been intimate 4 or 5 times in the last 6 years. I haven't even seen her breasts in over 10 years because she's uncomfortable with her weight and body. Lately I've realized that I've forgotten what it even feels like anymore. For the last 2 months I've been chatting here on Reddit having some incredibly hot, dirty conversations and finding a much needed release. I've even found people who I am extremely sexually compatible with and we have ongoing chats. The unexpected part is that it's actually making things worse. I'm discovering what I'm missing out on, there are women out there who would enjoy me and that's hard to deal with. Getting sent photos of their incredible bodies when I haven't seen that in real life in so long. Describing in explicit detail what we are doing while chatting and remembering that I most likely will never get to do that again. Unless I actually cheat on her in real life, I won't get to feel what it's like to have a blowjob again, or hold a beautiful pair of breasts in my hands. I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post. I guess I'm just venting. I'm sure there are many more out there in the same situation...