I've heard online dating for men described as dying of thirst in the desert while for women, it's dying of thirst in the swamp. Too much toxicity and too many snakes with one eye.

Overwhelming, right?

So in the interests of clarity, here are some true facts about me:

1. I’m tall, dark, and come with deep chocolate eyes, absolutely free of charge.

2. I'm an educated man with a cheeky sense of humour; raised on British comedy, I love Matt Berry, Ross Noble, and Dylan Moran. But not as much as I love a woman with a salty sense of humour.

3. Although I'm not looking to change your circumstances, I AM looking for more than just merely a bedroom rendezvous. Coffee, cocktails, and chuckles are all on the hitlist.

4. I’m never going to give you up, let you down, run around, and desert you.

5. I believe that a man should make a woman laugh BEFORE he dives for her panties; I believe that wine should never come out of a box; and I believe that Die Hard IS a Christmas movie.

Ultimately, I'm looking for a connection to make both of our lives better. As Morgan Freeman says in The Shawshank Redemption, "Get busy living or get busy dying."

PS - I may have Rickrolled you earlier. Sorry. I couldn't resist.