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Trigger Warning: Adultery/Married Man
I hope that made you laugh, it made me laugh. I think I’m pretty funny, and I think you will as well!
These things are so awkward, like how much detail should I give without it being longer than your attention span? Not as awkward as that bitch you work with that I fucking hate. I bet her name is Susan and she works in accounting.
What I want: I am a caregiver and a servant leader by nature. Let me care about you, let me be affectionate, let me be the non-judgemental ears and the shoulders you can rest your thoughts and your ankles on.
But I’m more than just an awesome pair of multi-function shoulders! I’m also the proud owner of the following list of parts and accessories:
Eyes
Ears
A nose
Hands and arms and legs and stuff
A butt
Deep emotional trauma
A completely fucked sense of humor
My Adult Area (Hey hoochie daddy, what that peepee do?)
A beard
List now concluded, I hope you’ve enjoyed this bland word salad with obligatory house vinaigrette. Because now comes the fun stuff:
What I’m looking for:
Feels. Straight up. I love my wife, but I am selfish. I want the feelings, I want the fun, sexy, boring, difficult, interesting-as-doing-dishes small talk during the day.
I want to be 1 of 1 Boyfriends in addition to your husband.
And I want you to want to be girlfriend 1 of 1.
Also, don’t be like..a cannibal or something lame like that. Thanks, boo.
P.S. piercings to the front, yo.
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