I don't know whether this should go here, or in /r/DeadBedRooms.

Me: Currently 69. Recently discovered that I was traumatized as a child. Sexual abuse, age 3, emotional neglect and probable physical abuse starting age 7. This left me asexual from puberty to middle age. The thought of sex both was fascinating and repelling. I'm still coming to terms with this.

Marriage: We've been married 25 years. She's still my best friend, and biggest fan. She is very supportive of me and my therapy. I'm her second husband, the first having died of MS. She finished raising her two boys on her own, with family support. We have no kids of our own.

Our sex life was never stellar. Once she reached menopause her interest dried up. She also needed so much lube, that my interest dried up too. Not enough friction. We still cuddle sometimes. So I'm back dating the Palm Sisters.

I've always been close to my nephew. When he came out as gay, I started following a bunch of gay subreddits here. I wanted to understand his life. That led to gay porn, nifty.org. I realized while not rampantly gay, I was more that just straight.

Part of my therapy is catching up on the skills I missed as a teen. Learning to flirt. Learning to read between the lines. Learning how to be a person, instead of a emotionless robot. And there are guys that I'm physically attracted to.

I'm afraid that I will lose my best friend if I tell her. But rationally I know I can't just ignore my vows without feeling intense guilt and shame.

How did you tell your spouse?

Are others of you, like me, have a spouse you want to stay with, but who is no longer your sexual partner?