Several months ago my husband realized he is bisexual. He came to me and told me and we talked. It did not upset me. I was able to be genuinely happy and supportive and I am glad he is finally able to be honest with himself after being raised in an immensely religious and homophobic home, it did raise some concerns about the fact that he was in a 19 year old relationship at the time of this discovery. I asked him to be honest with me and at the time he said he was not interested in pursuing a sexual or romantic relationship with another man and assured me he would come to me if he changed his mind.

A few months later I was setting an alarm on his phone because mine was dead and he had left his reddit app open to a DM responding to a message from a local man who has been soliciting other men to give him oral sex. DM did not include any meetup data or exchange of pics or contact info of any form. This sent me down a rabbit hole checking his reddit history which consisted of a lot of scrolling sex solicitation ads for our general area. Not posting or commenting (karma zero on both fronts) outside of the one set of DMs. When asked about it he said he had been struggling with how being bisexual applied to him and whether or not he would be content without ever pursuing it in a tangible way. Replying to a local ad gave him an opportunity to recognize it was readily available to him and in the end decide that it was not more important than maintaining a monogamous relationship with me. I honestly do not know what to think.

I am currently 26 weeks pregnant with our fifth kid and while I want to believe him, I also do not want to get a situation where I am just being naive and honestly I do not want to be in a relationship without trust, where I feel like I have to constantly be waiting for the other shoe to drop. I want to be true to myself, knowing I could not thrive in an open relationship while also not forcing him to conform in a way that requires him to deny an essential part of himself.

General internet searching is full of people who cannot seem to love or accept their spouses for who they are and this is not that. I am so incredibly proud of him and have seen him become even more himself in these months where he is embracing this new piece of his identity and becoming involved in the queer community. We have an amazing relationship, talk and are vulnerable with each other often, have a varied and satisfying sex life and adore our kids. Curious if others are in a similar situation and have had a positive outcome.