Hello good people,

I (35, m), would like to know about your experiences on integrating your partners into your 'coming-outs'/'becoming real' - with a focus on how you were able to respect their boundaries, whilst still satisfying your needs.

(I'll also post this on https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/ for more insights - I hope that's OK?)

My partner (29, f) and me have been in a relationship for over eight years (through the highs and the lows), supporting each other on our shared, but also on our individual journeys. She has helped me overcome depression and establish stability, so that I have been able to reconnect with myself - including my, for many years burried (caused by trauma), bi- or pansexuality.

Recently I had my first gay-sex with a lovely man, with whom I have built up a lot of trust (extremly important!) over the past two years, resulting in us becoming best friends and developing a bond of love. He is however, a unreliable lover, due to his high sex-drive and polyamory - which is why we are better friends, than engaging in a relationship. He's collecting new bodies weekly (Berlin). I also have to admit, that he is a srawny little guy, whilst my heartbeat starts racing around taller, trained, modern gentlemen-type guys. My partner was happy about him and me connecting sexually, due to the trust established between the two of them aswell.

I would now like to further develope my sexuality with men. I feel like a sub, that would love to be sandwhiched - especially after having to be the dominant, protector-type for the past 20 years of my life.

But not only am I finding it extremly hard to overcome my inexperience and shyness, but we are both struggling to understand how she could emotionally manage seeing her protecting-partner being subservant (No - she does not have to witness any sex, though I don't know how to manage, if she's not holding my hand). We are also struggling on articulating what kind of support I actually need from her.

To make matters more complicated: I need an emotional connection to trust, but whilst my monogamish partner does accept my sexual exploits, any emotional connection is seen as a danger to our relationship.

...so - how have you and your partner(s) managed? Thank you for sharing