I know this is a weird situation but maybe someone by some slight chance has had something similar.

I have always had an idea I was bi, but I was always a very masculine jock type guy through HS and college. Never even dreamed of acting on it. In college dated another athletic girl who was bi and she helped me bring it out and I did hook up a couple of times, nothing too serious. It was also through her I found myself enjoying cuckold fantasies as well.

Fast forward, married a hot, pretty sexual woman in my late 20's, I told her about my cuck and bi stuff. She said she could live with the cuck stuff but not sure about bi stuff. I had not hooked up but only a couple of times my whole life so I figured not a big deal and it was not really. We enjoyed some cuck fantasies now and then but she only acted on one in real life once, about 5 years into our marriage and it was so hot.

Eventually real married life caught us, you know, kids, new jobs etc. I fell in a rut and started drinking way more than I should and a couple of times went online and chatted with guys about cuck stuff which led to bi stuff. I was drinking alot and was sloppy leaving texts open and she found them.

She threatened divorce and we eventually calmed down and I shut off drinking for a while, working out and getting in better shape, found a job I enjoyed more and she found a job she liked more.

Very long story short, she shut down the cuck fantasies and we had sex 1-2x a week and she made sure that I could tell she was not into it and just doing it for me. I knew she had been chatting with a coworker at her new job a lot. I even brought up asking if it was an affair. She assured me it wasnt, I found out a year later it was. Back to separating, almost divorce.

Being a cuck you would think I would have loved it, I hated it and was miserable. We worked through things and are both good but sex is not really existent, she wants it more than me. But now I think always of her affair partner and get super turned on thinking of him dominating me the way he did her. I used to masturbate daily and would feel guilty afterwards but now I just accept it and use it.

Not looking for any advice please or telling me to leave and I am stupid for staying as you dont know everything etc. Just wanted to throw out in case anyone has had similar feelings, experience, etc.

Love your life everyone.