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I asked my husband a question I didn't actually want the answer to and now I need to take some time to meditate on it and probably work on it...
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I(25f) asked my husband(25m) a few days ago what he would like for me to change or do sexually for sex to be better. As in is there anything I do or don't do that makes you unhappy... he said he wishes I be a more active participant during sex and as simple as that statement was, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I've been called a star fish once before. But mostly I have given given GIVEN of myself to the point where sex was simply an act for me and I was disconnected from the sensations completely.

I gave so much to my ex-husband. I gave him blowjobs, I helped him learn about anal, I was dominant, I teased, I did all sorts of things for him. He did for me too albeit at a slightly lesser extent. Then just like I was a piece of used tissue he left me as if it meant nothing. Blocked me and let his mom handle the divorce for him. And afterwards I became completely selfish. I don't give blowjobs unless I enthusiastically want to which can be rare. Maybe once a month if that. I try new things with my husband but I clam up and end up not trying it more than once or twice. I push away his advances at times. I lay there and let him eat me out or do the one position I cum in. Sex for me is simply getting an orgasm from him.

I love him so much. He means nearly the world to me(secondary to my sons, one of which I had before I met him). He cares for me, works so hard for me. I try to care for him. I maintain our house in ways to make his life better. I cook food for him nearly every day. I get him little gifts here and there, I make sure to cuddle him and hug him because physically affection is his love language. I try to show my love through acts of service a lot because that's my love language. But despite all this love, I am sitting here so devastated to know he only likes sex with me. He doesn't love it. He wants me to be less selfish. My words, not his... and I feel really strongly that I don't know if I care to be less selfish. And I think ultimately it's because I don't want to get my heart broken again and have given so much of myself that I feel used again.

I'm wondering if anyone has gone through this and been able to make a positive adjustment?

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2 years ago