Like all marriages, mine is not perfect. I do try daily to be a better wife and sometimes I'm better at it than other days. I don't know any successful couples to ask. I don't have a large circle of friends or family. I wish I could post anonymous but I can't so I created this cuz I have to get this out. Feel free to make suggestions, I'm learning. Feel free to drop a comment with advice or show some solidarity I guess. I could use some support mostly. (I get very very little of that which is obvious cuz I'm posting to strangers on r/ hoping for some kind of good or recognition of some kind all while knowing I'm about to get my ass handed to me with insults and people who will go read my post history and use that against me).

TL:DR We have problems like all couples. Wondering what can I do to help him understand that one and done isn't how it's done and talking about it doesnt need to go bad places.

I wish my marriage was real. On the surface, it looks like we're good. But truthfully, he doesn't love me. He has love for me but it's not love to me. I wish he understood that. I need for him to love me other than pay the bills and take care of the house. I need for him to support me. Build me up. Whenever I need his support it becomes an arguement about what he has done. That's not what I'm saying. Example: if I ask can you do chicken instead of fish, why are you arguing with me about the time when you did do chicken? We are not talking about that time, we're talking about today. But he doesn't get that. He seems to think that I am criticizing him when I ask him anything. Last week romance has nothing to do with this week romance. Just because you got me a card last week doesn't mean you get a pass to not do it this week. Please stop getting mad at me when I say I need more. Stop making me feel like I'm ungrateful and unappreciative just because I need more support and more romance. My love language is gifts and the acts of giving. That doesn't make me a gold digger or materialistic. It doesn't mean all I want to do is spend money and all I can about is what you do or can do for me. If you would read it and actually take the time to understand it, you would learn a lot more about me and what makes me happy. The little things you do do, are so few and far between. Every day, I try to show my love for you in every way every down to cooking. I say hey what do you have a taste for and all you say is you know I'll eat what ever you make. If I'm asking you, then give me some direction. Saying whatever is not making it easier on me. I'm trying to give you what you want. But that doesn't stop me from trying to make sure your dinner is hot, ready for you when you get home and I'm wearing something nice and sexy for you. I make sure your dinner is gourmet level because that's my way of saying I value you and appreciate you providing for our home. It's a small.way of showing you I love you. I make your plate and serve you so you can have a peaceful evening. I make sure your stress can kinda end when you come home. I want to show you and tell you how grateful I am. Yes, you say thank you but showing me will mean so much more and how you would show me is when I say hey honey can you do something romantic for me say sure baby. Not say well what about the time when I blah blah blah. Yes, I get that and thank you but what about. Why do you feel the need to make me feel like a worthless peice of garbage because I ask you do romance me? You should want to do that little thing for me. I'm not asking for fycking expensive courses or trips around the world. All I'm asking is for little things that say to me and show me I'm more than just your servant. I can start talking to you about this and be all calm and come from a place of love but somehow it turns into: I'm insulting you, I'm ungrateful, I'm wrong, it's all in my headyjat you do do those things, I'm just too selfish and dumb and ungrateful to see it, even though I know none of those things you say are true, I'm too weak to know it in my heart and I start to believer it. I start to believe I am the problem and I'm such a bad person that I don't deserve to be treated the way I ask. You have me convinced that I'm such a low-life cunt for even asking. I want so much to sit you down and tell you this but I know the outcome. And I feel so fycking dumb! I hate myself all that much more because I know better. When things are good, they're great. But this is the ugly side. The side I lie and pretend isn't there. And that's my fault too. I try to paint this perfect picture of us when it's not. No relationship is but this hurts so much and I need to heal from it if I'm to continue to try to be a loving wife. I want to be your everything and make you proud of me. i know I sound like this dumb hopeful idiot but I want us to happy wife happy life this marriage we have. Help me.