I am 51, male. We hang out with another couple who are the same age and have become close with them. Me and the other guy got to talking recently, just him and I over a few drinks and he laid some info on me that I am still not sure how I feel about.

 He met his wife in college, they married in their late 20’s and their sexual relationship fell off after a couple yrs and he was dissatisfied, ok…it happens. His wife then got breast cancer in her early 30’s! He described that time as a big deal – many surgeries, chemo, etc. both her breasts were removed and then reconstructed and she apparently had other surgeries. He said that ordeal lasted 2 yrs, during which, there was zero sexual activity. He said he was laid off from his job during that time as well so all that put him into a depressive state – understandable to me so far. He then laid it on me – at the tail end of his wife’s treatment he went to a prostitute. He said this was after 2 years of no sexual activity at all and no hope in sight. This was when he was in his early – mid 30’s. He said that they have not had sex since then. So it’s been 20ish yrs (he is in his early 50’s). And during that time he has continued to see prostitutes (he calls them escorts). He said he’s been with over 100 different women. I asked about STD’s but he did not seem concerned about that and said he is healthy. He definitely looks healthy, is good looking and fit for his age. He said he does not have much feeling of guilt.

 So to summarize, his wife apparently stopped wanting sex a couple years after marriage so he was dissatisfied, then she got sick and ALL activity stopped for a couple yrs., during which time (at the end of treatments) he began seeing prostitutes and hasn’t stopped and they haven’t been intimate since. He also said that a few yrs ago his wife began talking about having sex again but that he just doesn’t want to with her anymore so has rejected that. They are still completely together, have a child that they adopted and are raising, sleep in separate rooms. He said that other than the intimacy, their lives are very much that of other married couples. He also said that his wife is completely unaware of him seeing prostitutes and would leave him if she knew and would be devastated. Oh, and he said that he loves his wife and loves the life they built and have. By all outward appearances, they look happy and like a regular couple, they are even cute together and fit one another well.

 It was heavy thing to hear, he was open and honest with me but I did not know how to react at all. I am still kind of flabbergasted but am trying not to be too judgmental as I have not had to go through that and have no idea of any other factors that may have been going on. What do you think?