I'm terrible at gifts and planning things. Usually last minute or if I do plan something it's maybe playing a gift but not planning how to actually deliver it or anything that goes with it like dinner or whatever.

Wife is turning 42 in a month and I have no idea what to do. If it helps we also have kids who are 11 and 14 . She's definitely expecting something because although we were shit broke, her 40th was crap. At least according to her. I bought a a small gift that definitely is not something you give a wife or a 40th but that's when I was able to do and we did go to dinner with the kids.

She is picky so getting gifts is always hard because she may not even like what I get her. Jewelry is much out of the question because it's got to be what she likes and sound like there's a style just something that she would be into. The last thing I got her that was expensive was a necklace but she had picked it out and pretty much said "get this for me". I found out shortly afterwards that she had bought herself a necklace from the same place that was even more expensive.

I do understand expensive gifts are not a requirement but sentimental gifts like a photo album or one of those stupid map things of where you had your first date or whatever is definitely nothing she's interested in.

She did mention something about a surprise party for a previous birthday or arranging something like a gathering but we really don't have many mutual friends, kind of just one that I know of. Almost everyone else is someone she knows through her work or industry that I don't know personally or even have their information or even know their full names or how to get a hold of them. When I told her that I couldn't even plan something like this because of that, she was still just upset that I didn't do anything even though there's no way I can plan it without telling her. I get how this sounds, we definitely have relationship issues but I'd rather try and figure out something that'll make her happy rather than hearing about it and being miserable for months on end.

• A date night wouldn't work come unless there was something super memorable about it. I don't see any upcoming concerts or events that would make it so.

• a date night and get a hotel is a dumb idea as well. She would assume that I'm just planning that to have sex. Sex is not an interest to her or definitely not a motivation for anything which is one of our problems.

• planning a summer trip when the kids are at camp for a couple days would be a good idea although she's expecting that anyways. Honestly it's something I don't even want to do because it's really expensive and I don't see a reason to spend that money or even be alone as she has problems being intimate with me and even communicating properly when we're seeing each other everyday.

• gift - I could just get a jewelry piece from the same designer and call it a day. Why not spend $2,000 just I'm not getting nagged with a 50/50 chance that it won't be the right piece of jewelry anyways. Find anything for her is tricky because she has her own tastes and even if I did all the research possible and that's what she already has unless it was like a $10,000 purse or expensive jewelry it wouldn't be right

• breakfast in bed / special day - she's the same breakfast everyday and doesn't care for anything extravagant like that so that we kind of boring but I could do that. Her birthday is on a Sunday so I could figure something out ahead of time and just do that the family, if that's "special" enough. If it's not she could very well be complaining about the day while we're trying to have a good time. She can be pretty shitty like that.

Tl;Dr - birthday ideas for my 42 year old wife who is very picky and hard to please. Also we don't have a very romantic come close relationship like that so a lot of intimate ideas are definitely things she's not interested in.