It's been about a month since the emergency surgery 2 almost 3 weeks since husband has had to do daily dressing changes on it. I go to the wound clinic 2 a week. It's healing. Slowly, but the wound ripped open more at the top and bottom and those areas are looking "concerning" and they hurt so bad. They gave us another bandage to put on everyday until I see wound clinic again Thursday and the big surgeon appointment a week from tomorrow.

Husband is doing everything imaginable amazingly well. I have zero idea how I tore it open more. It's like every step forward is absolutely a step back. The last two days I've been on the edge of fever. Today was 99.7. I

'm just so freaking done with this crap. I can't move, everything hurts, I'm not able to keep up house, or cook, or see my baby nephews. I just get to be here like a lump on a log.

Husband is picking up all my duties, plus playing nurse to me, plus going to work, plus keeping our son in the loop. I'm just so damn useless right now. So useless and I'm not used to this. It's not relaxing to me it's awful. I enjoy caring for my home, husband, son, and cooking. Can't do any of that.

Today especially has me down because more wound means longer healing and I'm dying to be intimate with my husband , but there are several problems there. The wound is basically top to bottom of the crease in the right thigh and groin. Big gaping wound my husband has been having to shove sterile dressing into everyday but not before he rips out yesterday's packing. How in the fuck is he going to see me as a sexual being when this is all over? I can't even do other non private area things because that turns me on and we absolutely can't have moisture in that area right now. This sucks so so freaking much. Our sex life was picking back up because our kids older (he's 18 and graduated high school, just got a job) and not home as often and we just have more time together. Don't think he's pressuring me to do sex stuff because he's absolutely not. He's a freaking saint.

When I told him I felt like this he said "don't worry about any of that. You'll heal, we'll get there. Don't you waste your energy worrying about me, I got a hand. Mostly I'm just concerned about you healing and staying with us. Sex can wait, I almost lost you " See? He's a saint.

Then this crap happens. He's already saddled with my chronic health issues that holds us back from so much. Now he's gotta play nurse AGAIN.

Marriage is in sickness and health and dear Lord has he took that vow seriously. I love him so much and I just don't have a way to show that at the moment. I have to physically show him how I love him in some way and that option is off the table for now. Ahhhhhhh.

Appreciate your spouse, cherish them, enjoy being physical and connecting sexually. Reassure each other when things are rough.