I (62m) have a fantastic, mostly great spouse (44F) who I love very much. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but who’s is? But after 20 years we are still together.

She’s incredibly attractive, smart, and we work pretty well together. However, there are certain things that we just cannot talk about because she gets incredibly defensive and angry, which I do not deal with very well.

Three tightly intertwined issues really have me in a bind.

We have zero sex life. It was great when we were dating, then she got diagnosed with endometrial cysts, had surgery, and has had near crippling endometriosis ever since. This pretty much puts a stop to sex because it is so painful. This I understand and try to sympathize with. But the subject Cannot be discussed.

Two: very early on we had the ‘do you want kids’ discussion. I’ve been a ‘no’ since I was a teen. She said ‘no kids’ too. However, as soon as the endo cropped up and the choice was threatened, the tune changed. Mind you we were not having any sex at the time so it wasn’t really a threat. But I’m sure the her wanting kids and me still being certain was part of the no sex, especially when added to pain. But she would bring up the fact I was denying her kids. If I didn’t, why hadn’t I gotten clipped. To me, if there are non surgical options i can take, I will and had been. But it was (and still is) thrown at me should I make the mistake of trying to discuss it.

Lastly, she is an SA victim who was assaulted at least in college and possibly before. She is incredibly angry about it, has palpable PTSD, and will not get counseling. She’s tries a few times and it has always just made her mad, angry, and upset. No progress to any kind of resolution. So, should I ever make any advances, this immediately comes out of the woodwork. So I tiptoe around and never ever try to make any kind of physical advance to try to respect her. But this has been used against me if I do something like try to rub her back. That has come back years after the incident. So, it’s not just no sex, it’s no physical contact whatsoever. The occasional hug or held hand is it. And I have to sleep in the other room.

And again, if I try to bring any of this up, it goes nuclear immediately. I’m suddenly accused of blaming the victim, being a typical dick asshole male, not understanding, etc.

It comes in waves, but the desire for some physical connection is pretty strong lately. It’s not just I want to get laid, it’s I want to wake up with someone. I want to kiss someone.

Am I crazy? Unreasonable? I don’t want to leave, but I would like _something_…