Tl,dr: I've lost sexual attraction for my wife of 7 years, but I still love her as my best friend. Any advice on how to get the attraction back is welcome.

I (39 m) have been with my wife (f 33) for 7 years now. In the beginning of our relationship, we waited for 5 months to have PiV because I was her first. After this, she wanted it ALL the time, which I was ok with as long as I could keep up lol.

We had a good amount of all types of monogamous experiences and even leaning toward BDSM. We took the natural roles of Dom (me) and sub (her). We both enjoyed it immensely!

In 2020, she started nursing school and everything has seemed to change. Our sex life essentially became nearly non-existent. I made the mistake of flirting online with a male (I identify as pan), nothing physical, and we processed this together with guidebooks and coaching. As wrong as it was for me to do it, we discussed that it was because I felt alone. We made time for each other and had more sexual relations as a result of the processing.

After graduating, she worked at a residential facility which was a toxic workplace for sure. It was difficult for me to support her as I had also taken a job in a toxic workplace where they worked me to the bone. This time period was a major rupture in our relationship as we were both literally just surviving while being abused by bosses.

For the past two years, we have worked at new workplaces that are much healthier. We don't feel like we're surviving, we're thriving! We don't love our jobs, but they don't feel like they're abusing us like the previous ones.

We have definitely rekindled our friendship which is great! I feel like we know each other on a deep level as friends and I still think she is super pretty. The only thing is our sex life is still lagging and I am frustrated.

She offers to pleasure me via oral and hands, but we rarely have penetration or long sex scenes like we used to. As a pleasure dom, I get off on her getting off. So, our current situation is very unsatisfying for me. We have talked about it and she says she wants to get back to where we were prior to her beginning her career as a nurse, but shows no initiative to do so. She has even stated that she doesn't feel sexual. Therefore I have seriously backed off and don't even try anymore. She'll see that I am hard at times, start rubbing it, and ask if I want her to get me off. Lately, I just say no, I'm ok.

Since this has been occurring, I feel like my sexual attraction is waning and I love her as my best friend. However, I truly miss having a sexual partner that lusts for me. I miss the hot and heavy we once had. I know sexual attraction comes and goes, but I am really having a hard time getting it back.

Any advice is welcome!