My (51m) wife 50(f) and I have been married for 27 years. We’ve had ups and downs but overall it’s been fine. One issue that has always been a source of disagreement: sex. She rarely initiates and when I try to, she is oblivious. It’s been like this since we started dating. I always had to pursue and she would retreat.

The other day she was talking about an old boyfriend (The person she was talking to had also dated the same person) . My wife talked about how they would fool around all the time. It bothered me because this is like the 6th boyfriend she’s talked about that she was intimate with. Each time it was like she was the aggressor. I don’t know what the fuck happened when I came along, but needless to say she’s a whole lot different.

She now views affection as doing something for the other person without having to be told. I crave physical affection. She has an autoimmune disorder that causes her to have a lot of pain sometimes, but she’s able to power through it to do shit like power washing.

I have no one to talk to about this. She doesn’t get it. I’ve started talking to a counselor, but I’m not sure what to do to make things better.