My husband isn't really the expressive type, as his parents are very traditional and uptight and I guess he takes after his parents. He is a good father, responsible, does most of the chores, and never yells or gets physical at me, but I always feel like something is missing. My love language is words of affection, and while he knows about it and I remind him of it many times, he doesn't really know how to say kind and sweet words to me, or to encourage me in the things that I do. He is very pragmatic and serious. I on the other hand am a very cheerful and happy person – I value optimism and positivity, and most of the time I am in a good mood. I also tell him a lot of positive and encouraging things about himself. And whenever I am not in the mood, he doesn't do anything about it and gets moody and quiet himself.

I used to be so angry about it often and we had a lot of intense fights about his lack of expressiveness and his cold temperament, but now perhaps I have gotten so tired of it, I just shrug it off now and attribute it to his upbringing. Yet I still often feel that he says more negative and neutral things than positive things about me. After so many years of marriage, I have gotten used to it and treated his dismissiveness as normal, but I wonder if there is something I can do about it. I feel envious of my friends who seem to have cheerful husbands who smile a lot and laugh a lot and knows how to make them feel better or initiate a conversation whenever something feels off.

I am currently feeling sad because he did something that was somewhat disrespectful, and so I am being quiet right now but he doesn't even ask if there is something wrong. I would always have to be the one to initiate the difficult conversation. Do I deserve better or am I overreacting?