Husband (37) and I (39) married August 2022. Just before Halloween 2022, I see a female name pop up on his phone. He tells me it’s an old friend from his hometown (now lives in a different state with me), hasn’t seen her since 2014, it’s just been a “hey how you been, let’s catch up” conversation. Innocent enough, so I believed it.

Less than a week later, we were having some arguments over finances so things weren’t pleasant at home. That’s also when I notice his laptop is logged into FB and female friend is messaging him. Curious, I read through. At this point, they are telling each other they still love one another, wish they had given their relationship more of a try (they were together less than 2 months), he regrets marrying me, lots of “what if” scenarios, sending love songs to one another, etc. I also see an active conversation between him and his adopted mom, and he’s telling her that if this female will let him, he will pack up and move him and his son in with her in less than 24 hours.

Needless to say I was devastated. An argument ensues, we don’t talk for a week. We argue off and on for another two weeks. I try to put the emotional affair past me but I can’t, so we separate in January 2023. After some time apart and many hours of communication, we get back together late May 2023. He still has this female on his social medias, but since she is now friends with the woman he was seeing briefly during our separation, he says he’s lost her friendship and she’s lost his trust so he wouldn’t be talking to her. I wanted her blocked but decided not to push it.

Husband then started a new job in September 2023 and there are apparently lots of females interested in him there. He says he feels like the popular college kid there. He’s flirty by nature, but I believe he’s crossing boundaries. He told one female coworker “wild hogs couldn’t keep him away” from work on days she works (different shifts). He’s referred to this coworker as “cutie” in messages and told her how amazing she looks when she sends him selfies. Another talked to him about how it had been so long since she’d had sex and he replied “well I’d help you out but I don’t want to ruin our friendship” —not even considering he would be cheating again if he did!

Yet another (supposed lesbian, according to him) he took to dinner and spent $130 on the two of them plus one male coworker. I had to find out when the charge went through on the bank, as I thought he was just working late. Last week, he was at a karaoke bar with several of the female coworkers and refused to tell me where he was until he came home at midnight.

Also in this last week I snuck a peek at his phone to see he’s now Snapchatting with the emotional affair female friend from 2022. It’s immediately deletes so I can’t see the messages but he’s saved a couple of selfies she’s sent. One said “I hope you’ll actually stay,” which I assume is in reference to them not talking from May 2023 until very recently. Inappropriate since she’s in a relationship now too.

All this to ask, am I crazy for thinking he’s over the line and questioning his faithfulness again? Is our marriage even worth trying to save if he’s going to act like some kind of bachelor at work/on his phone?

We are now currently separated and I’ve made it clear I will not discuss working on our marriage until emotional affair female friend is blocked on everything so no way for them to communicate. He says I’m overreacting and since she’s one of his oldest friends he will not get rid of her. He also says I’m being ridiculous about the coworkers, him spending money on their dinners, or the fact he went to the bar with them and refused to tell me. I just feel like it’s all a lost cause at this point.