So, I'm 37 and have been married for going on 18 years. Here's the rub.... My wife won't stop cheating on me with her former drug dealer turned person she is apparently now in love with. But she claims it's a lie, she has no feelings for him and only for me. But she doesn't and won't stop contact with the guy. I'm not proud of this, but in the past, I let paranoia get the better of me and would check her phone from time to time. Every single time, she is in contact with him. I've given up on checking, I'm just certain it'll be there now. However, I am fairly worthless and clearly pretty valueless and have no self esteem. So I know I will be alone if not with her. None of that "oh you have value" I get it.... Everyone is worth more than being cheated on. But I'm maybe not. Either way, I will always love her and have never left and thought I would never. Is it better to have someone who loves you so you don't die alone, even if they suck at it and it hurts you a lot? I'm 100% serious on this. I'm afraid of dying alone, I'm tore up at this point, so dating won't be feasible, and I have severe mdd and PTSD and have attempted ending it a few times already. She was my best friend and she has always been there since I was 18 basically, and I don't think I could go without her. But being with her is hurting me to my core... Somebody please help. I'll can send a comparison picture of myself young and now as a reference if anyone doesn't believe that I have lost all physical value. I have, trust me. And she's still pretty as the day we met, so how could I possibly do better?

Tl;dr: Wife cant\wont stop cheating and I have little to no value, do I stay or go?