TLDR: For women who have (or had) higher libidos than your husbands, how did you compromise or when did you know it was time to call it quits?

I am an early 30s F recently married to a loving and kind early 30s M, but now regretting sexless marriage. I have a higher libido than my husband, and for the past year (even during our engagement) we have sex 1x a month, and usually when I initiate. We have had mismatched libidos for most of our 5Y relationship, but it wasn't as big of an issue because we were long distance so reuniting after long periods away usually brought both of us to the same level of desire sexually. However when we were apart we almost never had phone sex and rarely sexted or flirted over text. In the early days I initiated, but stopped when he either didn't respond or responded with timid or boyish comments that I found a turn off. Now that we are married and living together, communication issues in other areas of our relationship and the frustration and stress of early marriage months have put a strain on our sex life. If I don't get sex at least twice a week I become less touchy feely and affectionate. This in turn makes him less eager to have sex, and the spiral continues. I don't feel like he attempts to seduce me or bring passion or newness into our sexual relationship, and doesn't encourage me or reciprocate my energy when when I try to. He has also gained a lot of weight in our relationship and is obese, which has reduced his energy, confidence and what we can do sexually. I have encouraged him to lose weight and he recently is making positive lifestyle choices in that direction. But our sex life is virtually non existent. We usually do cowgirl because his weight and size limits the amount of positions we can do so I feel like I'm doing a lot of the work. I wouldn't mind it if as much if he was more vocal or aggressive during sex. His weight isnt an issue for me, it's how it's affected his mindset because he lacks confidence. I want wild, kinky sex with a confident man. While he is affectionate, we can go days without kissing. We rarely talk about sex or anything kinky or sexual. I tried to be the person that brought him out of his shell sexually, and he told me in the past that sex mattered to him, but reflecting now I don't think he was fully honest with himself. I feel like we are just friends that got married and the spark is gone. We want to have kids but the thought of kids in a sexless marriage gives me anxiety. Am I asking too much for really good sex 2x a week?

My fear is that I married a wonderful man that I am simply not compatible with sexually, an area that should have been a deal breaker for me but I suppressed my desire to be able to cope in the relationship. I overestimated my ability to adapt and his ability to meet me in the middle. I compartmentalized sex hoping that once he loses weight things will change for the better, he will have more energy and confidence, but now I am not sure that is the case. I think he feels fulfilled in a relationship with infrequent sex , but I don't. And neither of us are wrong or bad people for it, just different.. I read about couples struggling through years and decades of sexless marriages. I can't do it. We are in couples counseling to address communication and intimacy issues, and I am hopeful. I know I have to take responsibility, demonstrate patience and caring, be vocal while also being supportive and not make him feel pressured. But I need passionate sex and I would rather have this with my partner than masterbate or watch porn, which would just make me resent the sex we aren't having even more! If we can't improve in the next year I think it would be best for both us to divorce and be friends if possible. This is painful to think about because I love him dearly, but our current situation is equally unbearable.

For women who have (or had) higher libidos than your husbands, how did you compromise or when did you know it was time to call it quits?