I need a perspective here. I am a mother of two, 38 year old female. My husband and I have a good marriage but we sometimes argue, like everyone else. When that happens, I give him a silent treatment and he stays away until we are good again.

He started taking testosterone shots. First couple of months, he was his normal self but then our bedroom life improved and I was not complaining. Then we had an argument and after that, I went into my silent mode. My husband, being in testosterone, was feeling the urge and, even though the silent war was still on, suggested that we should just go to bed early. I felt offended so I snubbed him with a dirty look. It was the "shut up" look.

He sat there in silence while I wrapped the clothes and after that, he came, wrestled me on the couch and ripped my blouse off, while I fought him off. Then he thought that he would kiss me into arousal but I would start responding back but I did not want to give in until we had our issues sorted out.

But we have been married for years now and he can tell when I am aroused and after getting me into that state, he had sex with me without my verbal consent. What bothers me is the best sex I have had in my married life was actually non-consensual and even though I created a scene after that, I fucking loved it.

He has been feeling very guilty after that. But, I often myself thinking about that moment and it gets me very aroused. Life has gone back to usual. We patched and made up and he asked me if I forgive him for that night and I do not answer that. The emotional woman in me loved every moment of it and in a world without principles, I would want it to happen over and over again, exactly the way he did it.

In a real world with morals and principles, it is so wrong that to admit even to your own self, feels like you are creating grounds for legitimacy right? Maybe if it is Stockholm syndrome but if it is that, then why does it feel so good?

Months have passed and he is sorry for what he did and I remain in a state of "I do not want to talk about it," but I love him more after that night. What should I make of that night? Should I abandon principles and just accept the feeling? It is love that matters in the end and I never approved of it when it started by I loved it when it was over. Are we a society too stuck on political correctness? If something has helped your marriage then is it still in principles wrong?

I would love to help process or help me morally explain this.