My husband is determined to make my life a living hell if I ever leave him. Years of nasty divorce proceedings which will make my life (and the children's life) miserable for years and years. (See post history)

Has anyone stayed in their marriage and lived like platonic roommates until the children leave the home? How has it worked for you? That is my other alternative.

The way I see it, my children's happiness is more important than mine.

If I leave, they will have to witness bitterness and vitriol spilling from him for years. We will financially struggle. He has vowed he will trash talk me to the kids for "destroying the family" for the rest of my life.

If I stay, I can stay small and quiet to keep him happy. I can avoid him as much as possible. He will feel as if he has "won", so he won't feel the need to trash me and poison my children's relationship with me. We won't financially struggle.

Which is better?

If I leave, I will definitely be happier, but I worry my children will not. They'll have to witness a toxic relationship either way, but if I stay it will be less toxic?

For context, we're 29f, 34m, 2m, and 4m.