I think a lot about the loss of rites of passage— pivotal moments that once marked a young man’s transition into adulthood. These traditions were a regular part of life for thousands of years across various cultures, but have pretty much disappeared, leaving me personally feeling a sense of loss for something I never had.

These rites of passage were critical in shaping men. In ancient Greece, Spartan boys, in American Indian tribes, vision quests seeking spiritual guidance. Military also served as a rite of passage, marking the shift from boyhood to manhood. But with women now serving alongside men, the military has lost its role as a male-exclusive space for these transitions.

The Bar Mitzvah continues to mark a Jewish boy’s journey into adulthood. Men’s work organizations like the Mankind Project offer adult men the opportunity for such an experience through their New Warrior Training Adventure. They describe it as an intense weekend where men confront their fears, dig deep into their identities, and build bonds with fellow men. I experienced this in 2019, and it was one of the most important things I’ve done for myself. The secrecy around the details is key to the experience, allowing it to unfold in a way that’s disarming and powerful.

What other modern rites of passage have you experienced? And more importantly, as men of our age, how are we thinking about mentoring and providing rites of passage for the younger generations of men coming up behind us?