I am in a sober living home, and have been talking with my GF since I was given my phone back from making it off the "blackout period". A major setback for the relationship is that she cannot talk all the time, as she still lives with her parents which pay for her phone and don't let her use snapchat or message certain people. Although she does have a second phone, she can only use it on Wi-Fi and as such I can only talk to her for parts of the day.

I really do believe I love her, but with my cravings for drugs, I have been recently struggling with keeping myself occupied. I've told her myself that the best part of my day is talking to her: it allows me to get my mind off of other things and I really do enjoy talking to her. However, whenever I am not able to talk to her, my mind wanders and I start thinking about messaging/talking to my ex, which I admit I was doing when I first got into sober living as she messaged me (Before deleting the chat after her brother called me and warned me she was apparently a manipulator and was caught doing so in the past). Why do I have these urges to talk to my ex, just to occupy my mind? I can't fathom why I would do such a thing again, especially with how much I care about my girlfriend. I've known her since the 6th grade and I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt her. What is wrong with me? Am I just a piece of shit?