I tried to be one of those creative makeup artists on Instagram with the face paints, intricate makeup, over facetuned and all, and I did well for a while.

.I don't know if I just became lazy or gave up oh please be honest with how I sound. I had to force myself every time I did each looks like there's little motivation within me. I sort of think I just lost motivation because I'm not having any engagement but I realized I just didn't have any goal at all! like do I want to reach a thousand followers in one month? be on this brand's PR list? I just wanted to be an IG mua with zero goals! lol maybe I wanted to be one because that's what every makeup lover's are doing I guess? I mean what's wrong with stepping back? maybe I just didn't want the struggle, I'm not even creative enough to create my own looks (omg is this an excuse??). I'm also used to be insecure with how talented everyone is with their thousand followers and the same age, It became bad for my mental health but right now, I just try to react and say "good for her!" I also took a pause and started posting personal stuff and was more carefree.

Though I find beauty in glam and runway makeup pat mcgrath/patrick ta style and HD beauty photography, I felt like IG makeup is just not defining makeup for me. I'm just lost. Makeup is still my passion and I'm hoping to land a job in the beauty industry. Anyone with a failed or thriving IG mua career feel me?

edit:okay this is half journal half discussion