Hello 👋

Lately, and more and more often, I've been entertaining thoughts of moving to Iceland to become an isolated sheep herder, but thought I would try this friendship thing first before making any major life decisions.

I currently live in Canada. Sometimes I say, "eh", unironically. I work in [redacted]. (It doesn't matter what I work in; it's a meaningless job. But you can pretend I work as a double-agent or as Baba Yaga, whatever seems cool.)

I read a lot. I also collect a lot of books. And sometimes I write about books. I haven't written my own book yet, but I like writing in general.

I listen to music, and have started looking into podcasts. Sometimes I binge-watch TV shows or rewatch comfort movies (The Lord of the Rings films are my Roman Empire).

When I have time away from work and the ever-present guilt of obligations and responsibilities, I like learning and I like exploring. I like having a spare hour or two to sit at a café people-watching, or to browse the book section at thrift stores. I like to walk around in nature and take awful wannabe-artsy pictures. I like to spend time with friends and have good conversations.

Currently, I am trying to create goals for the near future. I tend to forget about the whole nurturing one's soul thing because I work a lot, and then I go home and work there too. But there has to be more to life than work and an endless stream of laundry.

I spend a lot of time in my head. It could be better; "the horrors persist". I'm trying to learn mindfulness and being present in the moment and paying attention to what I'm doing. It sometimes helps to distract me from various existential crises and The Big Sad. (Watching videos of golden retrievers and tiny kittens also helps.)

Along with depression, I also have anxiety. I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD, which I'm still learning about, but bruh, does it ever explain a lot about me. I am able to manage these conditions somewhat well — I'm high functioning and great at masking, and go to therapy and take medication. But this means that a lot of people I am around don't know what I'm going through, and I don't feel comfortable enough to disclose my conditions to them because stigma is a very real and consequential thing, so I don't really get to be... me. Just a bubbly, superficial, nothing-can-bother-me version of me — whom I really don't like, because really, I'm full of rage at the injustices of life, both micro and macro.

I thought I would tell you all of this because anonymity is kind of nice. And because I want to be honest about how I am, upfront. Gives you time to run the other direction, if you need.

If you decide that you don't mind facing the partial gorgon that I am, please feel free to reach out and tell me about yourself, or share with me your strategies for coping with life, or trade book and music recommendations with me, or tell me about your current passion project.

My expectations are low. Maybe we can provide some company for each other over the next few hours, or days, or maybe longer. I am aware of how difficult it is to bond with people in any setting, especially online. But I do expect you to make an effort in your message. I would also prefer to chat with people around my age. I'm not looking for a romantic connection.

Okay. That's my ramble. See you on the other side. ✌️