I’ve been super hormonal today and just got off the phone with my sister. We started talking about my step dad (who was also the only person I called my dad), and thought about how since he split with my mom we don’t have a relationship anymore. There’s more to it than that.

Most times I have accepted the fact, and usually dismiss the thought of being fatherless. I refused to let it be something that defines who I am.

I recently just got into a car accident and work has been extremely stressful, life itself has just been overwhelming. I know having a dad wouldn’t make it better exactly, but I can imagine it being a little comforting. Of course some people have dads that are assholes. Some people have lost their dads. My mom and I are close, but it’s different.

I’m so tired. I know women can be strong and independent and fine, call it daddy issues, but I really just want a strong masculine figure to depend on and trust. I want to be able to be soft and vulnerable and not have to be so tough all of the time.