So I've been struggling really bad lately with depression. Is it self induced? Pretty much. So shouldn't really be complaining but I'm going to. I am currently 31. At 15 my sister was diagnosed with freidreichs ataxia. Grew up having to take care of her. Including being basically a cna for her. In college there were times she would fall out of her lift and I'd have to drive an hour and a half to get her off the floor. She refused to have the fire department called for help. She passed at the age of 29. As the years go on I live my life. Get engaged. Break off the engagement. She had drove 4 hours to hook up with a random dude. This was after I had already spent $20k on the wedding. Included in that was all of my savings. So I move back to my parents to regroup myself. 3 months pass. We find out my grandmother has alzheimers. So here I am again being throw. Into being the CNA of the family bc I had been a CNA after sister passed. We are now 3 years later. 2 weeks ago my sister had a heart attack. She's only 35. We're now taking care of my sister and my alzheimers grandmother. Last night I'm scrolling through fb and see a post from a buddy I've known since kindergarten. Him and his wife are what looks to be 6 or 7 months pregnant. So much for friends. I'm happy for them sure. But apparently I'm not important enough after almost 25 years to even just text me and say "hey we're pregnant again".

That's the back ground. If your still reading I'm really sorry I made a book. When I got home yesterday even before seeing the post my heart felt completely empty. I've been beat down for so long. But I held back the crying. Be a man right? Even after seeing the pictures I held back water works. Wake up this morning and I realize that I'm not even important enough for the people I've known my entire life.

So here I am. At work. Writing this knowing nobody is going to read this. And that's perfectly ok. I just needed somewhere to go to let out my thoughts. And I'm not going to do that on Facebook. That's just absurd letting people you actually know you are struggling deeply.

Hopefully if you are struggling with depression you have someone to go to.

Hope you all have a good day.